We are what would appear to be heading quickly into the holiday season. I'm ecstatic as this is my first holiday season since I was 15 that I will not be working in the customer service industry, (Except for the year I had to have my tonsils removed two days before Christmas.)
I am so excited to see the weather turn, the snow maybe fall (it is North Carolina) and visit my family knowing that I do not have to rush back home to deal with people yelling at me over their lotion and children's clothing issues. My parents and brother are coming into town, and even possibly my grandmother. And I don't have to work Black Friday! I could go shopping if I choose too! The sheer novelty of this is so amusing that I actually giggle out loud thinking about it.
I do have concerns about being separated from my husband at this time when it is all about family gatherings and being together. But then I remember that I have my family right down the street from my home, not to mention the sheer amazingness of my friends. I think it will be impossible to feel alone this holiday season and for that, I am so incredibly grateful to my amazing family and friends.
So this Thanksgiving, I will ask my father to put my Christmas tree up for me and I will decorate it with a joyous heart that I have the opportunity to spend this time with my family and not trapped in a store for 10 hours a day.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
The Meltdown
It has been one week since I kissed my husband goodbye in the parking lot of a Perkins, not sure the next time I will actually see him. One week later I finally worked up the will, guts and fortitude to clean my apartment and pack away his belongings.
So with a glass of wine in one hand and my music turned to an empowering mix of Florence and The Machine as well as some Crash Kings I started. In a way it was cathartic to put away the things that remind me of him, like his favorite hoodie. In another way the guilt and pain of putting it away started to wear at me.
Eventually I found myself all the way done until the bathroom. It was me sitting on the side of the tub, wine gone, having a staring match with a bottle of shower gel, one loofa and a razor. A freakin' bottle of shower gel. I lost. I held the shower gel bottle in my hand and wept.
I asked it, how could I just pack away my husband? How can I put in closets and cabinets all of his belongings that he left behind? How can I hide him away like this isn't his home too?
It was then that I realized just how absurd I was being. It was a bottle of shower gel, not my husband. Just because I'm putting it away for a while doesn't mean I'm sweeping Bart under the rug. I am allowed to live, not create a land that time forgot for a year until he comes home. I need to flourish and thrive in this time, not erect memorials.
So with a sigh I closed the loofa, razor and shower gel into the bathroom cabinet and closed the door on suffering in this place. It is ours and will remain that way. We have lived our lives in this apartment and will continue to do so, if it is from different parts of the world.
With love and gratitude,
Beka
So with a glass of wine in one hand and my music turned to an empowering mix of Florence and The Machine as well as some Crash Kings I started. In a way it was cathartic to put away the things that remind me of him, like his favorite hoodie. In another way the guilt and pain of putting it away started to wear at me.
Eventually I found myself all the way done until the bathroom. It was me sitting on the side of the tub, wine gone, having a staring match with a bottle of shower gel, one loofa and a razor. A freakin' bottle of shower gel. I lost. I held the shower gel bottle in my hand and wept.
I asked it, how could I just pack away my husband? How can I put in closets and cabinets all of his belongings that he left behind? How can I hide him away like this isn't his home too?
It was then that I realized just how absurd I was being. It was a bottle of shower gel, not my husband. Just because I'm putting it away for a while doesn't mean I'm sweeping Bart under the rug. I am allowed to live, not create a land that time forgot for a year until he comes home. I need to flourish and thrive in this time, not erect memorials.
So with a sigh I closed the loofa, razor and shower gel into the bathroom cabinet and closed the door on suffering in this place. It is ours and will remain that way. We have lived our lives in this apartment and will continue to do so, if it is from different parts of the world.
With love and gratitude,
Beka
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Questions
I find it strange the questions that people feel comfortable asking a military spouse. I think because it's something new to them they have questions and don't really think about how that question will affect the person they are asking.
One of old associates asked me if I was scared that he could die over there. It was hurtful to hear it and hurtful that it would be the first thing somebody would ask. The honest truth is of course I am. It's something all military spouses will think about, worry about and obsess about. It's something that you have to come to terms with. So friends and family, to be warned, don't ask this question.
The other question was how could you feel in love anymore. My answer was more so than the day before. I don't take for granted the nights that I do sleep next to my husband, the mornings I can spend with him. The conversations we have are my everything. The simple truth is that this is the sacrifice that I make in order to be married to the man I love and need in my life. I will continue to work and nurture our relationship, it can only grow that way and that is how I feel in love with my husband. Too many people don't realize the gift they have when it comes to their relationship.
One of old associates asked me if I was scared that he could die over there. It was hurtful to hear it and hurtful that it would be the first thing somebody would ask. The honest truth is of course I am. It's something all military spouses will think about, worry about and obsess about. It's something that you have to come to terms with. So friends and family, to be warned, don't ask this question.
The other question was how could you feel in love anymore. My answer was more so than the day before. I don't take for granted the nights that I do sleep next to my husband, the mornings I can spend with him. The conversations we have are my everything. The simple truth is that this is the sacrifice that I make in order to be married to the man I love and need in my life. I will continue to work and nurture our relationship, it can only grow that way and that is how I feel in love with my husband. Too many people don't realize the gift they have when it comes to their relationship.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Sunshine When He's Gone
Somebody the other day asked me if I still feel in love with my husband because we spend so much of our time separate from each other. My answer was "everyday I feel more in love."
It's the small moments in my marriage that makes these days go by. A weekend at home with him, pictures sent from a phone, conversations on the day to day life we spend apart.
More importantly it comes down to not thinking about the time apart we spend and thinking about the future we have together. I understand that this is going to be a challenging time in our lives but we have years to spend together. So when I feel like giving up, crying out that it's all too much and sinking under the pain of separation, I think of the future years. Buying our first house, getting another dog, doing the dishes together.
I don't let this time in our lives determine my happiness. I will always hold my head high and look up to the sun. There is always sunshine to be found when he's gone.
It's the small moments in my marriage that makes these days go by. A weekend at home with him, pictures sent from a phone, conversations on the day to day life we spend apart.
More importantly it comes down to not thinking about the time apart we spend and thinking about the future we have together. I understand that this is going to be a challenging time in our lives but we have years to spend together. So when I feel like giving up, crying out that it's all too much and sinking under the pain of separation, I think of the future years. Buying our first house, getting another dog, doing the dishes together.
I don't let this time in our lives determine my happiness. I will always hold my head high and look up to the sun. There is always sunshine to be found when he's gone.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
First Anniversary!
Bart and I celebrated our first anniversary this past weekend in the Chesapeake Bay area. We adventured into Annapolis on Friday evening and walked around on the bay. Such a beautiful area! We ate at the best seafood resteraunt we've ever been too, O'Learys . Seriously amazing.
On Saturday we visited the World War Two memorial in the morning. We then took the metro into Falls Church to visit my Aunt Alison and Uncle Mark as well as my cousins. It was amazing to see all the family including my sister and brother-in-law. I also got to meet my cousin's fiance as well as my other cousin's girlfriend. It was so much fun!!
On our actual anniversary we went to the Natural History Museum in the morning and staked out a place on the Lincoln Memorial steps for the fireworks. They were beautiful and I'll be sure to get the good pictures from Bart.
We stayed at the Aloft hotel on the national harbor that evening and visited Baltimore the next day.
All in all it was a very full and fun vacation! I can't believe it's been a year since our wedding. The time has flown by. I can't wait to see what the next year is going to be like!
On Saturday we visited the World War Two memorial in the morning. We then took the metro into Falls Church to visit my Aunt Alison and Uncle Mark as well as my cousins. It was amazing to see all the family including my sister and brother-in-law. I also got to meet my cousin's fiance as well as my other cousin's girlfriend. It was so much fun!!
On our actual anniversary we went to the Natural History Museum in the morning and staked out a place on the Lincoln Memorial steps for the fireworks. They were beautiful and I'll be sure to get the good pictures from Bart.
We stayed at the Aloft hotel on the national harbor that evening and visited Baltimore the next day.
All in all it was a very full and fun vacation! I can't believe it's been a year since our wedding. The time has flown by. I can't wait to see what the next year is going to be like!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Hello!
I started this as a way for my friends and family to follow along this journey that is deployment. My husband is a Lieutenant in the Army Reserves. His unit, a Mobile Public Affairs unit, is deploying to Afghanistan in October. And ironically, our last name is Major, thus the name.
My married life has been an adventure to say the least. Almost one year ago we said "I do!" and moved to North Carolina. Shortly after Bart left for army school for two months. The he was home for a few months with only one forseeable length of time away from me.
Then I came home from work one night. Bart said "I need you to sit down."
The timeline changed. We were not going to be able to spend our newlywed days and months in the same state.
Bart claims that I handled this news better than he ever thought I would. This brings us to current days where he is gone for school for the Army again. Then they go to New Jersey until they deploy in October.
I decided to start this to try to encourage me to keep things in perspective and to reach out and find support. Because I am a reserve wife, we do not live on post and the military support base is more challenging to find.
I also want to post the things that make me laugh, cry, celebrate and enjoy my time without my Major so that when he comes home I will have a way to remember those things with him.
With love,
Beka
My married life has been an adventure to say the least. Almost one year ago we said "I do!" and moved to North Carolina. Shortly after Bart left for army school for two months. The he was home for a few months with only one forseeable length of time away from me.
Then I came home from work one night. Bart said "I need you to sit down."
The timeline changed. We were not going to be able to spend our newlywed days and months in the same state.
Bart claims that I handled this news better than he ever thought I would. This brings us to current days where he is gone for school for the Army again. Then they go to New Jersey until they deploy in October.
I decided to start this to try to encourage me to keep things in perspective and to reach out and find support. Because I am a reserve wife, we do not live on post and the military support base is more challenging to find.
I also want to post the things that make me laugh, cry, celebrate and enjoy my time without my Major so that when he comes home I will have a way to remember those things with him.
With love,
Beka
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